Strategies for Navigating Change
Fall is officially here and this year’s change in season seems to be bringing all kinds of other changes with it. Many kids have headed back to in-person school, some of us are returning to the office, and we’re all adjusting to new schedules and routines. Add in navigating all of that during a seemingly never-ending global pandemic and, for those of us in California, wildfire season? Whew, it’s a LOT. So let’s talk about some strategies to help ourselves and our kids stay more grounded through transitions and change:
Prepare and plan ahead: Doing what we can to prepare and plan ahead for these transitions can be a concrete way to find our footing. For example, taking our kids to their new school before school starts so they know where their classroom is and where they’ll be dropped off and picked up. For ourselves, maybe this looks like asking questions ahead of a return to office about COVID protocols and expectations around time in office vs. time remote. Whatever the transition coming your way, having as much information as we can reasonably get can aid us in feeling more informed, more in control, and that there is less unknown lurking around the corner. Of course, there is only so much about any given situation that we can know beforehand, which is where having some skills to tolerate the unknown come into play (hint, keep reading).
Add moments of joy to your routine: Part of planning ahead can also be mapping out what you and your family’s new daily or weekly routine is going to look like. One way to show ourselves some love is to intentionally incorporate into our routines the things that bring us joy, however small. Maybe it’s taking an extra five minutes in the morning to stretch your body, throwing on a good playlist or podcast while you’re getting ready, taking an evening walk, having a nighttime cup of your favorite herbal tea, calling a friend during your commute, or having a five minute dance party with your kids when they get home from school. Whatever it is that brings YOU joy or comfort. Same goes for kids and teens! Where in their daily routines can they incorporate the things that make them feel good? Asking that question can be a great conversation starter with your kids, and showing them where you incorporate what makes you feel good into your day offers a great opportunity for modeling self-care and self-love.
Practice gratitude: This may be one you have heard before, and for good reason - multiple studies have shown that practicing gratitude yields great emotional benefit, including increasing our happiness, improving our relationships, and bettering our sleep. A gratitude practice can be especially supportive during times of transition and change, when our brains tend to be in a heightened state of looking for danger in order to keep us safe - meaning we’ve got to try a little harder to notice the good things happening around us too. A gratitude practice can take many different forms, such as writing thank you letters, keeping a gratitude journal, prayer, or meditation. Our favorite gratitude practice? Starting or ending your day by either writing down or simply mentally noting three things that you feel thankful for. This only takes a few minutes and can be done by ourselves or as a discussion together with our partners and/or kids.
Grounding exercises: Grounding exercises are meant to connect us to the present moment when our brains are being pulled to focus on the future or past in a way that isn’t feeling helpful. During times of transition, when our brains may be spending too much time playing out possible future scenarios, these skills can be especially helpful:
5 senses: Take a breath and focus in on your immediate surroundings. Identify and describe (this can be done just in your mind) 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
Belly breathing: Place one hand on your chest and one hand on your belly and breathe in deep, so that your belly expands against your hand. This type of breathing activates our vagus nerve, which in turn activates our relaxation response to reduce our heart rates and blood pressure. Repeat for at least three breaths.
Mantras: Bring focus to your breathing, close your eyes if accessible to you, and bring to mind a phrase or set of phrases to calm your mind. The phrases can be as simple as “I am safe” or “I am loved” or “I can only control my own actions,” or can be more tailored to your specific circumstances. Repeat in your mind several times, while taking deep breaths in and out.
Radical acceptance: The truth is, you may try out all of the above and still find yourself struggling with this season of change. And that is ok. Change is often uncomfortable, disorienting, and trying. Though they may make it more tolerable, none of these strategies are magic tricks that are going to make change easy. So when all else fails, we encourage you to practice a little something called radical acceptance - the practice of sitting with what is, whether we like it or not, and choosing to accept its presence without judgement. Inherent to radical acceptance is compassion for ourselves, those around us, and the universe; that we are all doing our best within our circumstances, with the tools and skills that we have access to, and that most things are outside of our control. To be doing our best is to be doing enough. While this perspective may be easier said than done to achieve, even the attempts we make to practice it can be a helpful exercise for our minds.
Outside of the above strategies, we’d also like to remind you to look to your community and network of support during times of change and transition. Looking to our relationships to help hold and support us during rocky times - whether it’s having someone to vent to, helping take care of a task for you, or providing some healthy distraction - is another important tool in tolerating often difficult emotions that accompany transitions. Lastly, if the season of change you are experiencing is creating stress that feels beyond your ability to tolerate, we encourage you to schedule a consultation with us to see how we may be able to support you further. Therapy offers the space for exploring your specific circumstances, as well as access to strategies tailored to your strengths, needs, and available resources.
We know asking for help, whether from someone in your own support network or from a professional, is hard. And we believe in your ability to do hard things. We are here to support you. As always, please don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions or topics that you’re interested in learning more about.
Warmly,
Sammy & Miriam
